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A definitive ranking of post-masturbation cleanup techniques | Metro News

Boys get their definitions of manhood, strength, love, and self from watching other men —specifically, their dads. But we live in a fatherless nation. I learned this firsthand when I was working as a therapist at a nonprofit, treating teenagers for addiction. After working with hundreds of teens and their parents, I realized that the common thread in over 95 percent of these troubled teens was an absent father. Dad was either physically or emotionally gone. But after my weeks of working with them, they quickly picked up on social cues and acceptable ways to communicate.
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And since the dawn of civilisation — when primitive man completed that first historic tug in the dim recesses of his cave — the burning question of how to dispose of excess seed has never satisfactorily been resolved. So I decided once and for all to cut through the confusion and definitively rank the best and worst ways of cleaning up after burping the worm. I know most of you groovy millennials out there will struggle to relate, but back in the days before unlimited free porn on your phone magazines were all we had.
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I enjoy masturbating, frequently. As in, usually once a day, if not once a day then once every two to three days. Any suggestions would be welcome, because this is a little bit of a nightmare to figure out otherwise. Have you heard this one? The one about the sement?
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